This key chain was given to me by my mom and I would like to think my deceased dad is my guardian angel. I can’t help but question faith. The given answer from everyone I’ve asked to how they are believers in their religion is always “faith.” I wish that was enough for me, but it isn’t.
I’ve felt like there has been something missing the past couple of years. I tend to mend this emptiness with dysfunctional relationships. Boyfriends, family members, and friends. People who don’t deserve my attention or love but I entrust them anyways. I feel like I’m constantly grabbing for something to make me feel alive or animated.
I do not like that the only faith that I have is in people because if you put your faith into the wrong person, it can really mess you up.
The whole concept of believing in a power that is much bigger than me or anyone else, is imaginary. I can’t wrap my mind around it. I’m looking for some kind of revelation to help me understand.
The month of April is the beginning of my spiritual journey. I am attending a Meditation retreat with my mom at Wattle Hollow. I will take a vow of silence Friday night, practice yoga, meditate, and be in my own head for a couple days. While at the end of the month, I am going on a trip to Zion National Park in Utah to camp, hike, climb, converse, and hang out with people that are followers of Jesus. There will be an ending service Sunday night. 90 people on one campsite. It will be interesting being exposed to people that feel so strongly about their beliefs. I’m excited. Not only are they Christian, but they are people that love to do all of the things that I do.